I’ve been quiet in the blogosphere this past week, but I had a good reason, I think. I was here:

And here:

 And then here: 

Meanwhile, this was happening at home: 

Ew. I’d say we timed our trip well.

I decided to share some of our trip because I’m a blogger and we share everything.

Last August, the hubs and I decided to take a slightly belated anniversary cruise, a trip we finished today. And it rocked. And waved. And pitched from side to side a bit. We dined and saw shows and snacked and shopped and ate and went to the beach and consumed all the food. That’s only a slight exaggeration.

Me: It’s almost eat o’clock.

Hubs: Good, because I need some nachos to wash down the burger I ate half an hour ago.

On a cruise, you don’t eat because you’re hungry. You eat on the off-chance that you’re not currently eating. It becomes a personal challenge. The things I eat as whole meals at home became appetizers on the boat.

Me: When’s the last time I shoved something into my face hole? Twenty minutes? Dear God.

I tried to record the funny things I experienced on the cruise before I succumbed to the food coma at the end of each day, because we bloggers share everything. Pay attention.

Funny thing #1: After a shore excursion, when you’re getting back on the boat, a crew member scans your card. The computer makes a loud cha-ching! noise. Maybe they could be more subtle.

Funny thing #2: Yesterday, Hubs and I were eating (of course) on an outdoor deck. The ship was near an island where we’d had a shore excursion and seagulls were flying around. One landed on the rail, squawked loudly, took a shit, and flew away. The captain guy at the table next to us said in his Scottish accent, “Reminds me of my ex-wife!” The busboy next to him nearly fell over laughing.

Funny thing #3: Eating ice cream three times per day becomes normal. The machine was empty once when Hubs tried to get a cone and the teens futily pulling the levers were almost crying. If the crew had gone five more minutes without refilling it, they might have thrown the cruise director overboard.

Funny thing #4: At home, if we want to see a waterfall up close, we hike to it and walk next to it, appreciating it from a respectable distance. In Jamaica, you hike up the middle of the damn thing for some reason.

At least we paid for the privilege.

Funny thing #5: I’m struggling to accept the fact that no one at home will fold my towels into delightful animals. Sigh. 

Funny thing #6: A $20 bottle of wine costs $50 on the boat. When we get home, we plan to buy a $50 bottle of wine to see what the experience is really like.

It may sound like I’m complaining, but I’m really really not. When I heard it was snowing back home again today, I almost took that as a sign that I was meant to stay behind, maybe on the boat but at least in Florida. I also met some very interesting people, and a few of them may find themselves in short stories, should they stumble onto this blog.

If you endured my meandering nonsense to this point, I’d say you deserve a present. Have a towel elephant. 

18 thoughts on “Cruisin’

  1. Pingback: Flash Fiction: The Dance | Allison Maruska

      • My wife is keen on a river one too I prefer the open sea…we sailed Southampton to New York a few years ago…flat sea all 6 days! Did Baltic sea with force 8 gales minimum! Greek Islands via Venice last year. This year just looking at a short break 2 or 3 nights maybe sail to Holland and back, we need to be at home a lot builders in for a few months…costly!

        Liked by 1 person

        • You’re a seasoned cruiser! Southampton to New York would be a trip – Titanic’s intended route. I like the sea days so I’d enjoy that. My husband wants to do an Alaskan cruise one day but I don’t like the idea of being cold on a cruise. 🙂

          Liked by 1 person

  2. So many funny things!!! And love those animal towels. Hats off to whoever folded them.
    And what can I say… isn’t it just great when the weather timing is so right? (Although I can’t resist snow either… 😀 )

    Liked by 1 person

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