Welcome to the next installment of what I believe are the guiding principles of The Child’s Code, a secret book that all kids must get at birth. This is how they all somehow know to annoy their parents in the same ways. If you missed numbers 1-5, be sure to read The Child’s Code – Part 1.

6.) The best time to have a massive diaper blowout is when your parents are in public and nowhere near a bathroom. Bonus points if they only have 1 wipe with them. Quadruple bonus points if that wipe is dried out.

7.) Put a pull-up in the hamper buried under some clothes so mommy doesn’t see it. They look really cool after they’ve gone through the washer.

8.) The best time to acquire a massive bruise or cut on your face is the day before you are to have professional pictures taken.

9.) This one is for boys – when you stand up to go potty, put your hands behind your head and swing your lower half around while you pee. Bonus points for hitting the shower curtain.

10.) Pretend like you’re not listening to mommy talking while you’re playing. Don’t repeat anything she says, except for the swear word. But don’t repeat it immediately. Wait until you are at church, and everyone is quiet.

Remember parents, we are in what my friend calls the “trenches of parenting”. We will survive. And remember this guiding principle: