The Child’s Code – Part 1

Kids are annoying. Sure, they can be cute, lovable, even delightful. But a lot of the time, they are annoying. My belief is that around the time of birth, they all received a secret copy of a book called “The Child’s Code” which includes all the behaviors that most annoy their parents. How else do they all manage to behave the same way? Below are five parts of The Code that all children must know to be accepted into child society.

1.) The best time to fill a diaper is 7.3 seconds after a new one has been applied. You get bonus points if you fill it to such a degree that the contents are leaking out the leg holes.

2.) The best time to run at top speed towards mommy for a leg-hug is when she’s holding a scalding beverage.

3.) Complain about being hungry. Be very obnoxious about it. The second you have a meal in front of you, refuse to eat it.

4.) When in the sandbox with your little brother, convince him that it would be fun to dump 15 pounds of sand into his hair. Bonus points if he’s already had a bath that day.

5.) When on a road trip, when mommy and daddy have you go potty before leaving the town, don’t go. Say you can’t go. 10 minutes after you are out of range of anything even remotely resembling civilization, yell 1.) that you have to poop! and 2.) it’s an emergency!! Once they have found some random place to stop, do nothing. You get bonus points if you crack off silent-but-deadlies from the back seat for the remainder of the trip.

We’re onto them! Check out parts 2, 3, and 4 for more!

6 thoughts on “The Child’s Code – Part 1

  1. Is this the first blog post? I can’t find any older ones. Although I suspect you’ve been deleting them as I commented…

    This is funny stuff. Well, not this one per se, but a lot of the other ones. Why did you stop writing funny posts? You should consider assembling them into a family humor collection and publishing it. Seriously. Other people will see themselves in it, and it’ll keep fond memories preserved – plus one day you’ll be able to give it to your sons’ wives and have a good laugh together.


  2. Pingback: The Child’s Code – Part 3 | Allison Maruska

  3. Pingback: The Child’s Code – Part 2 | Allison Maruska

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