I haven’t blogged since mid-April. Wanna know why?

Well, I’ve been writing one book and editing another whilst critiquing other writers’ work and blah blah blah…

Yeah, that’s all bullcrap. The real reason is I couldn’t find any good material. It was getting down to “Hey! Bread! I wonder if there’s anything there!”

So I was dicking around surfing the internet while trying to come up with a blog idea when I came across that gem of a post about Fedex mechanics.

I love, LOVE, that the live bugs are on back order.

Where would we be without sarcasm?

The school year just ended, and one of the teachers with whom I work told me my sarcasm made her year better.

I know! I couldn’t believe it either.

There’s only one time I can think of where sarcasm doesn’t work: when you’re surrounded by people who don’t get it. You know, the literal types.

Thankfully, I think those in the sarcastically-leaning group outnumber those in the literal group. I can probably use facebook to prove this. Allow me to present an example.

Last winter, we were supposed to have a blizzard. We were under a blizzard warning and everything. Schools preemptively closed, fearing the Simpsons moment where the kids were all trapped in the school and somehow Principal Skinner ended up trapped in a bag of gym equipment. btw – if you can accurately retell Principal Skinner’s comment to the hamster while he was trapped, you win a million points and my eternal respect.

Where was I?

Oh! Blizzard! So we were supposed to have a blizzard. What we got was a lot of wind with a little bit of snow. The local news page, which I imagine was suffering from an overall lack of drama from the storm, posted a pic of a collapsed cart corral at Wal-Mart. I couldn’t help myself. It needed a sarcastic caption. So I gave it one and reposted it on the news page out of respect for the original source.

Most people loved it. They laughed and shared and commented. Over a thousand people shared it from the news page alone (which I never thought would happen). But there were a few who just didn’t get it. They were all “well, the wind can damage
too!” or “you shouldn’t make fun of the loss of others!”

Pfff. Get off the internet, literal types. You’re not having any fun here anyway.

The point to all this seemingly aimless chatter is this: sarcasm makes life fun. It’s humor. It’s verbal irony. It’s how we get through the daily drudgery without stabbing someone in the armpit with a chopstick.

Also, if you’re so stuffy that you can’t laugh at an occasional sarcastic joke, you should probably re-evaluate your life and go eat something fattening. I’m sure that will help. And if it doesn’t, let us sarcastic types have our fun, or you just might wake up with a chopstick protruding from your armpit.

It could happen.