Okay, it’s not really about homework. Because that wouldn’t be funny at all. I just needed a title.
My older son drew this a couple years ago. He called it “man walks off a cliff”.
It’s about those funny things kids do on paper. It may or may not be homework.
I’ve worked in a classroom setting for the past thirteen years; the first ten of those were as a classroom teacher. So I’ve seen a fair amount of amusing moments in student work. Two spring to mind, but I don’t have pictures of them so I’ll tell you and let you imagine the magic.
My first year teaching was with a group of second graders: seven- and eight-year-olds. One of my students’ daily assignments was to write in a journal. I’d give them a topic. For example, describe your pet. Or your bedroom.
On this particular day, I asked the students to describe their dads.
One girl wrote this: My dad has no hair on his head, but I know where it went. It’s on his back.
Way to rat out your dad there, kid.
In a different year, around Thanksgiving, I had the kids write a paper about their dinner or something. All I remember is food was involved, because a student wrote this: The turkey was quiet and dead.
She wasn’t wrong.
So funny kid papers are all over the internet, but I decided to start this journey by perusing the work of my own kids. Turns out, their stuff is amusing enough to carry the post.
In case you can’t see it well, this is a message my older son typed and printed about my younger one a few years ago. It says this, in exactly this way: Hi .mom silas haz bin bad. He delivered it in a sealed envelope.
Wait…they’re in what?
Hey, son. How’s the weather today?
This was done by my older son when he was in kindergarten. He loves volcanoes and looked forward to this letter all year.
Have any funny kid’s work stories? Share in the comments!
Allison Maruska 
Sometimes I just don’t understand kids homework these days. It seems like my 13 year old comes home with these complex projects that just boggle my mind. Here is what happened with the latest homework fiasco…
Kiana needed to create a “diorama” of the “Scales of Anubis”. Ahhh…what?! I had no idea what the hell this even was. So after googling it, I found out it’s that horse headed man from Egypt holding a scale to balance a heart and a feather. Awesome! How the Fuk am I going to make this? Yes, you heard that right. I said “I” because we all know that it’s the parents that need to come up with the ideas for these wonderful projects and essentially do the work. So, Kiana and I headed to the local dollar store to gather some supplies. After browsing up and down the aisles an idea came to me. Yes! I will take a G.I. Joe figurine and a plastic farm horse, cut off their heads and swap the bodies! Voila! A manhorse! I know, this sounds a little psycho but just go with it. We head home to start our magnificent creation.
I get out the cutting board and a large butcher knife and proceed. “Off with their heads, ha ha ha ha!” At that moment Rob walked into the kitchen and looked at me as though I had completely lost my mind. I just grinned and kept cutting. It’s always good to keep your hubby on his toes (insert evil grin). LOL
Next, I glued the horse head onto the G.I. Joe body and painted it black. Then I glued on a little yellow sarong. Wow, not bad! I am impressed. We completed the scales by using wood coffee stir sticks, clay and the bottom of an empty egg carton. Another stupid…I mean delightful project completed! Check it out…
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Do I have any funny kids stories? Let me think.
Well, there was this one time when she was about two years old. She climbed up on my desk and opened the drawer and pulled out a Share marker and my very sharp scissors. That did not end well. She ONLY did stuff like that when mommy wasn’t home, but the ensuing self-inflicted haircut was not as obvious (to me) as the BLUE SHARPIE MARKER BEING USED ON ALL THE WHITE CABINETS. And the bathroom toilet. And the weight bench. And the big screen TV. And the wall. The little curlyQ mustache she drew on herself was awesome, though.
I got most of it cleaned up before mommy got home. Turns out she doesn’t look at the weight bench much. Thank god for that Mr Clean magic sponge thing.
It’s all in my #1 bestselling book, Savvy Stories: funny things I learned from my daughter.
Pus a lot of other stuff mommy didn’t know about. Thank god she doesn’t read.
Dan Alatorre, bestselling author
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