How do kids all know the same behaviors to irritate their parents? My theory is kids get a secret book when they are born called The Child’s Code, and it contains all these behaviors.
Welcome to the car edition of The Child’s Code. These are behaviors specific to traveling in an automobile. This is why DVD players in cars have become so popular.
1. Ask to have a snack in the car. As soon as you get your cheerios, spill them.
2. Open your window all the way for maximum wind-tunnel effect. Bonus points if it is snowing when you do this.
3. Argue with your brother very loudly about something ridiculous, like if he really saw a bird over there. Your parents are stuck in the car with you, so they can’t get away.
4. Kick Mommy’s seat in front of you. When she tells you to stop, press into the back of her seat with your feet.
5. Pick your nose and wipe the booger on the seat in front of you. At some later date, ask who put a booger on the seat.
6. Stash any garbage you get into the storage place in the door, in between the seats, or under the floor mat.
7. Bring a toy. While Mommy is driving, drop it. She’ll get it for you at a red light. Drop it again.
8. Slam your back and head repeatedly into the seat behind you. Hold a monotone note with your voice to hear the bounce with each impact.
9. Empty the playground sand from your shoes on the way home.
10. Poke your sleeping baby sister in the face until she wakes up and screams. She’s facing backwards, so Mommy won’t see you do it.
Allison Maruska 