IKEA Directions: What Do They Mean??

As I was leisurely scrolling through my facebook newsfeed this morning, I came across this post from fellow blogger Insane in the Mom-Brain. She’s describing the pictures in the directions that were included with a piece of furniture she purchased from Ikea. 

If you can’t read her description, it says: The assembly instructions for The Boy’s Ikea nightstand said (so far as I can decipher), “Do not try to have surprise buttsecks with the furniture or you will break it and you will be sad. But if you put the furniture on a snazzy rug and grow a seal arm and delicately stroke it, you will be happy.” 
At least that’s how I read this.

Now, aside from that being hil-frickin-larious, it got me wondering: What other funny meanings could be derived from the pictures contained in Ikea assembly instructions? The captions under the pictures are how I think the publishers of said directions must have meant them to be understood.  


If you fail to be alarmed by the top of the dresser, it will eat your hand and foot, which
you will find disturbing. You don’t want that.
If the paper makes to nauseous and confused, twirl a phone chord connected to Ikea around yourself until you realize that you have two quadrilaterals and become happy.
To be happy, all you need is a good screw.
Rub the sides of the couch repeatedly until the bottom of the cover curls into the drawer. Close your eyes for added  sensual effects.
Pull down on the door until your bicep feels the burn.
And finally…
Read a happy book about shapes while your cabinet runs away from the tapeworm that you screwed to the wall.

Looking at all these instructions made me want to buy furniture. I’m going to explore my new Ikea catalog. 

2 thoughts on “IKEA Directions: What Do They Mean??

  1. Pingback: 10 Silly Things I’m Thankful For | Allison Maruska

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