I have an alter-ego on Twitter. Her name is Bad Writer.
She doesn’t have a million followers or viral tweets or anything like that. She exists merely to be the public face of my sarcastic side. And since I talk to writers a lot on Twitter, she focuses on writing.
Since her creation in July, she has tweeted 643 times, according to that screenshot. That’s a lot of bad advice being doled out. Some of those are quoted Retweets from Nat Russo’s #HorribleWritingTips, Sam Sykes’ joke tweets, Tweeps who reply, and other parody accounts, but most are her own content based on things that I read she reads. Sometimes, the content overlaps a little. I thought we could use those instances for learning. And since Bad Writer says the opposite of what a writer should do, the lessons will be actual constructive things with her non-examples.
Lesson 1: Stop abusing character names
Bad Writer almost repeated that tweet from July 20 earlier today. I should probably tell her that characters should only say another character’s name if it’s absolutely necessary for identification or shock value. I’ve seen some book convos where the characters say each other’s name back and forth in almost every line, and to be honest, it makes me a little stabby.
People rarely say someone’s name to them in conversation in real life. It shouldn’t happen in the narrative.
Now, names aren’t just a problem in dialogue.
Name only those who get meaningful screen time, and refrain from pulling a Duggar and starting all names with the same letter.
Lesson 2: Listen to your editor (at least a little)
Bad Writer has an editor for some reason, probably because someone told her she should have one. She doesn’t listen and rolls her eyes too much.
And even if it seems like she’s listening, she’s really just being a smartass.
Editors do what they do because they know how stories are crafted effectively. We writers can’t possibly get it all right on the first go. Editors aren’t out to get you. They’re there to make the story better.
Lesson 3: Longer =/= Better
Have you ever read half a book and realized nothing had really happened? This is probably why.
Narratives involve movement, and fast movement (like in action scenes) will use tighter, snappier sentences. Too many words (and slow spots) usually means too much description and/or back story.
Writing a book as big as a cinder block might make you feel accomplished, but if readers get bored and don’t read it, what’s the point?
Lesson 4: Avoid overused tropes and cliches
The Orphan is one of Bad Writer’s favorite cliched devices.
Orphans obviously aren’t the only literary element that have been done. A lot. The point is to know what’s been cooked to death and write other things or at least figure out new plays on them.
Lesson 5: Leave your house occasionally, especially to promote your books or meet other writers
It’s no mystery that writers lean introverted. Just leave us alone and let us write! If we wanted to talk to people, we would work retail or something.
The best reasons for doing this are 1. To show people you’re a real life human writer, and sometimes readers like to meet those, and 2. You meet your professional colleagues (especially at conferences) and you can support each other!
Bad Writer may not have a clue as to what to do, but as one follower said, do the exact opposite and you should be fine.
See you on the Twitters!
Reblogged this on Viv Drewa – The Owl Lady.
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Thanks for sharing! 😁
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Pingback: Help Pick Bad Writer’s Best Tweet | Allison Maruska
Here from J.A. Allen’s page.
That was pretty funny. Off to follow you, ehmr her on Twitter. I wonder how many more followers you I mean SHE has since this post.
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Not too many more! LOL. Oh well. We have fun.
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Pingback: 6 Blogs to Brighten Your Wednesday - Wolfe Butler, Author Official
Oh…I like you. Must follow you. Darn, guess that means I’ll have to go to Twitter occasionally…
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It’s not so bad. Just park yourself at the funny table. 😉
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A great laugh, Allison. Thanks for sharing.
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Thanks for reading! 😊
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Ha. You’re bad writer. OMG. I love her. She’s funnier than Dan. ;). … and he’s pretty funny.
Totally enjoy her twitter posts. Thanks for the smile.
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Awesome! I thought you knew I was she. 😎
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Reblogged this on Key to the Cosmos and commented:
I haven’t posted in a while because I’ve been focusing on my novel, but this was simply too much of a gem not to share. At least, by this reckoning, I’d wager I’m not a bad writer. Yay! Back to the book! 😉
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Thanks for sharing! Glad to hear you’re not a bad writer. 😉
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Pingback: Top 5 Lessons From Bad Writer | Dan Alatorre - AUTHOR
I just read this again and had a good laugh so I’m reblogging it AGAIN. That’s a first, I think.
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Wow! Thanks. 😎
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Hey, sunglass emoji guy is my thing.
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Once I fell down some stairs before giving a talk. No one laughed but me. I stayed and finished the talk. The mark of a good writer. LOL. LOVED this! So funny.
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Ha! Awesome. Those darn stairs. 😉
Glad you enjoyed the post.
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Dark Allison… I love that! Totally brilliant idea…
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Thanks. 😎
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That implies there’s a light Allison
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I am pretty pasty.
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Ha! Well… you got me there.
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So entertaining! Thank you for such a fresh read.
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Glad you enjoyed it! Thanks for reading. 😊
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I wish I had your well-timed sense of sarcasm. 😀 Of course, since I wasn’t aware of bad writer before, now I must go find her and follow. I will take all her advice to heart. Thank you! 😉 hahaha
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Awesome. I hope you continue to enjoy her ramblings. 😎
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I’ve no doubt! 🙂
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I laughed out loud when I read the fantasy portion. Isn’t every fantasy book able to prevent a car from rolling!
Donna
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I think that’s a requirement.
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So good.There’s nothing better than funny AND clever.
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Glad you enjoyed it. 😎
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So relatable xD
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Hopefully not too much! LOL 😉
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Laughed out loud. Loved her ramblings!
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Glad you got a laugh! Mission accomplished. 😎
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Reblogged this on Scripturient and commented:
Some helpful tips from a Bad Writer 😉
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Thanks for sharing! 🙂
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Reblogged this on J. A. Allen and commented:
I’m proud to call Allison Maruska one of my writerly besties.
She writes YA Urban Fantasy, and Adult Mystery & Suspense stories. Her first novel, The Fourth Descendant, has rocked Amazon bestseller lists for the last THREE YEARS.
You can check it out here:
Her sense of humor is dry and witty, and her Twitter alter-ego is a truly special brand of cut-throat hilarious. This post had me in stitches.
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Thanks for sharing and for the kudos! You rock. 😎
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Reblogged this on Just Can't Help Writing and commented:
This post by Allison Maruska is HILARIOUS! And too spot on. Note to self: watch out for Bad Writer when she shows up on your computer. Don’t know how she gets there, but she’s pretty good at sneaking in!
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Haha! Glad you enjoy her ramblings. Thanks for sharing! 😀
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Could use this in some of my writing group meetings!
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Me too! LOL
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Totally get the introvert thing. I went to a critique group yesterday with a writer friend and felt a little weird because everyone had either picture books or early readers to share. I had YA which one woman told me wasn’t YA because my characters were entering college. I told them it was YA to me because I am going to self-publish. My friend told me she was proud of me because I sat there and read aloud my work. Critique doesn’t bother me and I actually got a few take-away ideas. I’m introverted, but I understand that I need to get over it. I also like to ramble.
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I love this: I told them it was YA to me because I am going to self-publish.
Ha! For the record, it would be YA anyway (teens usually read about characters a bit older than they are) but it’s fun to smack down the “rules” once is a while. 😉
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Ha! Bad Writer is the best!
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I like her. 😎
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I follow this lady. She’s full of great advice. You just don’t appreciate her brilliance. 🙄
(3 and 5 are especially awesome. 3 = agree, 5 = reluctant acceptance) *has panic attack*
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Her brilliance is so unappreciated it’s nearly invisible. 😉
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Possibly the best post ever to appear on this blog.
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I hope that’s a good thing! 😂
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You write great stuff, but there’s this whole other side almost nobody knows about – a funny, snarky side. Bad Writer let’s Dark Allison shine.
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Reblogged this on Dan Alatorre – AUTHOR and commented:
I’m just gonna say it: I LOVE BAD WRITER! (and you should, too)
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Thanks for sharing! 😎
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Oh My, this is hilarious!
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Thanks! 😁
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Nice! Entertaining, funny, and most importantly funny. Thanks, Allison.
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Glad you enjoyed it. 😎
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