Someone Needs To Kick Winter In The Snowballs

It’s November 2Image5th, and I’m already over winter. Like, SO OVER IT. And it hasn’t even technically begun yet.

I loved winter when I was a kid. I was lucky enough to grow up in a place that has seasons, so by the time winter came, my siblings and I had had our fill of allergies, heat, bugs, and decaying leaves. After a snowfall, we would put on the snowpants, coats, hats, gloves, and all that other crap that made us feel too hot after we got outside. Inevitably, one of us would have to pee five seconds after bundling up, requiring a complete un-bundling. I think my mom put up with it only because once we were outside, we were out there for a while.

We’d start our snowy adventures by traipsing across the yard in our giant, Napoleon Dynamite-style boots to disrupt the smooth powder as much as possible. Then, we’d decide to make a snowman. We’d roll a couple large snowballs before deciding it was a wasted effort, so we’d make smaller ones to throw on each other. Or we’d make snow pies. Or we’d pile a bunch on the first step to the back patio for some reason. Or we’d camp out by the dryer vent to warm our faces.

Now that I’m all grown up, though, I think winter basically sucks. If it’s snowy, the roads are all messed up, and if it’s clear, it’s almost guaranteed to be cold. I spend the entire span of time from early November to early May being cold. I think I need to carry one of those electric kettles around with me at work just to have the ability to make hot tea on demand. It will just be the thing that I do. I’ll be That Weird Kettle Woman, but I’ll be That Warm Weird Kettle Woman. It’s an important distinction. 

Maybe I would enjoy winter if I could curl up in a blanket with one of those microwavable corn bag things and read for its entirety. I could order groceries and everything else I might need to buy over the internet and have it delivered, thus never having to leave my house. I would call it Conscious Hibernation. Now that’s an idea I can get behind. 

I know I’m not alone in my winter hating, because when I posted the pic of that sweatshirt at the top of this post, it got a whole bunch of likes on my facebook page. So I ask you, fellow winter haters, how do you deal with the most frigid of seasons?

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