This post is simple. Motherhood isn’t what we imagine when we are preparing for the arrival of our first bundle of joy. Warning: if you are currently expecting a first bundle of joy, I recommend leaving this post so that you may continue in your state of disillusionment for as long as possible.

Now, it’s go time.

What you think: I will snuggle with my sweet baby for countless hours.
What it is: The child snuggles with a washcloth while I have to change my outfit eight times a day to remove milk/pee/poop/barf.

What you think: My children will want to spend time playing games and reading with me.
What it is: My children want me to spend time looking for their lost crap.

What you think: I will want to spend every waking moment with my darling family.
What it is: I can’t wait to go to the gas station alone just to have five minutes to myself.

What you think: My children will love me unconditionally for giving them life and keeping them alive.
What it is: Well, the kid told me he hates me and wants to run away. Again. And this means I’m doing it right. Awesome.

What you think: I’ve purchased these fancy baby dishes and flatware items for my toddler to eat the nutritious meals I will lovingly prepare. I’m sure he will love them.
What it is: Wow, there is gravy on my ceiling, and the child has eaten only croutons. Interesting.

What you think: I will have a schedule for cleaning different rooms of the house on specific days (I really did this. ha.), therefore keeping an orderly house.
What it is: I just cleaned this room 10 minutes ago, and it looks worse than before because the kids got to it. This seems to break several laws of physics. Sheldon would be pissed.

What you think: I will discipline my child so he will never act up in public.
What it is: I can’t believe I had to drag the screaming nightmare back to the car on purpose. Again.

I could go on and on. Let’s face it – it’s unlikely that any of us are winning mother of the year. Let’s just be there for each other with a glass of wine and a listening ear when necessary.