You might think that when I go to the gym to work out, I’m thinking about calories, burn, pounds, intensity, and other fitness related topics. You would be wrong. Mostly.

I invite you into my head to see what I really think about when I go to the gym. It’s a scary place (my head, not the gym), but you don’t have to stay long. I think you’ll find it amusing in there, though.

1. (while panting) Why did they put the cardio equipment on the second floor? That’s a lot of stairs!

2. I need to fill my water bottle.

3. The water machine is broken. I’ll use this water fountain.

4. That guy’s barefoot toe shoes look like gorilla feet.

5. Crap, I spilled my water.

6. I hope one of the machines I like is open.

7. Ooh, there’s one left!

8. Dang, the cable doesn’t work on this one. I guess I’ll use one of the other machines or I’ll miss The Biggest Loser.

9. This recumbent bike makes my butt hurt.

10. Ooh! Another one of my favorite machines is open!

11. And the cable works!

Ten minutes later.

12. This is how I will die.

Ten minutes later.

13. Death averted. I guess I’ll keep going.

14. Those teenagers keep walking by but never do anything.

15. 200 calories burned! Woot! (I said mostly).

16. How can she read on a stair climber?

17. I love this commercial!

18. Is that guy gonna wipe down the entire machine with a wet wipe?

19. Another tour? Take it all in folks!

20. Cardio’s done, time for weights. Down the stairs I go.

21. Where to start? I think shoulders.

22. Ugh, some giant guy left this machine on 450 pounds. I’ll just move it to 10 pounds.

23. Okay lady, try not to look at me while you work that leg-opening machine.

24. 13, 14, 16, 19, where was I? Ah, screw it. On to triceps.

25. I hate my triceps.

26. I’ll just skip that leg-opening machine. What does that even work out? Hips?

27. Ooh, rowing. I can handle that. As soon as gorilla feet guy finishes. I’ll just stand here.

28. Is that Sir Mix a Lot playing? At the gym?

29. He’s finally done. And he didn’t wipe down the machine. ew. Maybe I won’t be rowing.

30. I’ll just go to a weight class tomorrow.

I think that’s enough of that. I don’t think during the classes, I just try to survive. So you won’t see a post about that. Clearly, I don’t do well on my own. But at least I’m keeping myself entertained.