Due to the wild popularity of my Child’s Code postings, I’ve decided to take a stab at a Man’s Code post.
The premise of the Child’s Code is that somehow, all children know the best behaviors to irritate their parents. Oddly, they all seem to know the same behaviors. My theory is that they all receive a book at birth outlining these behaviors.
I’ve noticed a similar pattern with men. Okay guys, when did you get your book? Puberty? Anyway, here’s a list of some Man behaviors that may only exist to drive the women in their lives crazy. And just so I don’t get in trouble, these are not all from personal experience. Some are anecdotal evidence from other women.
1. Dirty clothes don’t go in the hamper. They go on the floor next to your bed, where socks can get lost under the bed-curtain thingy. Blame lost socks on the dryer.
2. Before marriage, cook elegant meals for your lady to win her love. After marriage, plead ignorance when trying to boil water. This is unless you are grilling, of course.
3. Scratch everything all the time.
4. Get together with a buddy and have a contest to see who has the loudest/smelliest gassy emissions. Bonus points if a girl is around.
5. Break something, then fix it. Brag about how manly you are for fixing it.
6. Buy a boat. Never use it.
7. Go hunting for pheasants. Bring home a few baggies of dissected pheasant breasts. Put the baggies in the freezer, leave them there for a few years, and then throw them away.
8. Kill a plant.
9. Show off scars to anybody, anytime.
10. Don’t cut your toenails until they reach talon-length. Then, cut them in the living room.
Do any of these sound familiar, ladies? There may or may not be another part to this topic. I guess it depends on how irritating the men in my life are. In the comments, share some Man behaviors I missed!